3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
