i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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