so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize