i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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