shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
