im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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