Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
