Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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