I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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