I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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