I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
