My room smells like vodka and shame
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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