Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
