Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
