worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
