My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
