just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
