Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
