I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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