I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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