So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize