Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
