i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Houston, we have a squirter
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize