dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This house was built for laser tag.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
