My sheets look like a crime scene.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's blow job season.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
