Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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