I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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