I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
