Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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