This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
