We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
