oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize