Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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