Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
