"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
