Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
