So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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