he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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