just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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