I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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