Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
