She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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