dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
