there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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