I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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