East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
