I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
