dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my liver is dry heaving
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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