Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
