Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
