Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
