I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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