Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
