He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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