I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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