there's paper in my vomit.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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