if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
