I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
