Jerry, you need to find god
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
