So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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