So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize