all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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