We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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