I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
