How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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