I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
