I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
