Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Randomize
