Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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