a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
