Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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