When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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