I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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