he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
