he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
